My name is Lindsey, and this is my story. I am an addict. I began drinking at age 14, which soon evolved into a daily crystal meth habit. I have spent the last 16 years of my life under the influence. In my addiction, I have been homeless, been in jail several times, attended five different colleges never finishing, had a child, got married, divorced and remarried, had more jobs than I can count, and have lied, cheated, and stolen from everyone that I loved. My daily challenge was getting my addiction to coincide with my real life. It seemed I had done that for a while, but things always fell apart. Addiction always leads to the same three endings: jails, institutions and death. As I progressed in my addiction I began to change. I was a shell of person. I had no soul, no personality. I was so full of fear; I would just sit there, not saying anything. I was desperately unhappy, simply existing. I thought about death often.
It was a blessing when I was arrested the last time. The judge sentenced me to drug classes, but I went back and asked to be sentenced to a recovery home. I had been fighting going to a recovery home. To me, that represented the end of the line. I had been in treatment before, but I wasn’t ready then. I have never been able to stay sober for longer than a few days. I knew a recovery home was at least a six month commitment, and that was exactly what I needed. When I came to Crossroads, I was so willing and ready. The program was perfect for an addict like me. They keep you busy with chores, meals, groups, meetings, and meditation. My first chore was the Coffee Bar, an all day chore. I was grateful to have something to do, to keep my mind occupied, and to feel useful. They teach basic life skills: cooking, cleaning, and getting a job. They also teach you how to live with other people and be respectful of their feelings. Most importantly, you learn how to live life on life’s terms in recovery. I thought I knew these things, but I had forgotten them in my addiction.
My life is completely different today. I have a strong connection with God that fills me with happiness and serenity. My family is back in my life, and they actually want to be around me. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband that is honest and full of love. I have friendships with women in recovery that are my support system. One of the greatest gifts I have gotten from this program is learning the value of being a mother. I am working on the relationship with my son, mending bridges, being consistent, loving him with all my heart. I am accepting of the situation, and I have faith that everything will work out the way it is supposed to in God’s time. I am so grateful for Crossroads, the staff, and the program. At 30 years old I have finally been able to put together over nine months of sobriety. I could not have done it without this house.